The 'temporary' perfect Freedom

The notes piling up, high on learning, high on spiritual teachings.. This is what intrigues me the most.. 

Trying to ‘figure’ it out.. I am a 5 on the enneagram, Adam from my men’s group says this is why, I am like this and he loves to feel me, when I am excited about learning something.. 

That is true, I love learning, I love diving deep in philosophical truths, I can almost become orgasmic, when I realise something ‘new’ that liberates the moment.. 

Truth changes, as everything is subject to change, well at least everything we can hold as a concept of truth is due to change at some point.. 

I have held many ‘truth’s’ throughout my truth seeking, and as many that have comed, have gone away, out the same door they came in.. 

Just yesterday I was with an longtime friend, and he ask me how it is to show up on social media, and ‘teaching’ 

The question behind the question was: How does it feel to state something publicly, knowing that some people will disagree or have a different opinion.. And reflecting on how I started out, in my conscious ‘truth’ seeking, was first with exercise and diet, (paleo diet to be more specific) 

And I definitely was a believer of that, 

It worked for me, and thus I thought and pushed on how it must work for everyone.. I was very firm in my convincing, because I truly believed, and I backed it up with results.. 

I was a preacher, standing on my soap box in a hostel in New zealand, augmenting on why you should stay far away from gluten... 

True or not true, I was tied to a belief, that belief might have served me or not, that is not really the point

From standing on the soap box, less than 4 months later from being on strict 2 year Paleo diet which is highly meat based 

I ‘became’ a vegetarian after spending 5 weeks at a Rainbow gathering..

The pendulum swings to the otherside kkkk.. 

Belief is as thin as a sheet of fine paper.. 

Belief is a protection, it is an effort to hold meaning in a realm that has no meaning..

We are mostly made of space, right..? I mean science says that, and if I had to humbly continue that thought, 

if we are mostly space, and yet there is a part of us that has identification with our body/mind, which we all do 

Then there is a part of ‘me’ (yes many quotation marks ‘’’ in this text, pure safety, no need to worry) Then there is a part of me that tries to fill this space up, and hold on to a sense of I

Hold with food, thoughts, beliefs, emotions all various confirmation of 

‘Yes, I am here, yep I am here, yes this is me, yes I believe this, no I don't do this, yep that good old thought again, that's me alright ….’

Aware of mind sidetracked: 

Back to my friend yesterday.. 

I simply told him a shorter version of what I just shared, I aim to hold everything lightly, like sand slipping through all the creases of my less and less clinching hand..

If I am truly honest, I know nothing, but that will not be my answer.. 

The answer arises from the question, and the question is always only a fresh one time experience.. 

It might resonate for a period of time, like the echo resonance of the body of a guitar after strummed.. 

At some point the echo fates back into silence, its true nature 

Full of potential for the next play 

The letting go of meaning is a dawning journey, doubts and fear is part of it, 

Does it ever end? 

‘Damn trying to make meaning again..’ 

On the other side, for a brief moment.. 

Perfect freedom